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A warmful thanks
Overprotective vs Over obsessive
As usuall, I will start my post by saying “lama dah tak update”.
Tapi itulah hakikatnya. Bukan aku tkde apa nak diluahkan cuma aku malas.
I have so many things to say tapi tkpela.
Ikutkan hati tk nk post but I guess by putting here will less a bit my uneasy feelings.
Overprotective vs Over obsessive.
Idk..how should I begin..
Today I realized something about myself.
Its something I've been doing since child.
But I only realized it today.
Idk whether I should im overprotective or over obsessive towards the people I love.
The more I think ... the more confuse I am.
But I decided to label myself as overprotective.
I tend to become panic when the person I love in pain, hurts, injured or lets say anything yg bad happen dkt diorg.
Aku akan jdi panic and rasa susah hati sampai nak menangis.
The fact that I cant heal them hurts me the most.
I always blame myself for letting the person I love injured, luka etc. I blame myself for being careless and tak jaga betul2.
The reason why I think Im overprotective not over obsessive is that I tend to react like this not only with my boyfriend but towards my family and friends too. Tkkn la aku obses dgn kawan2 aku jgk kott. Haha
My little sister tripped from tangga smpai koyak mulut berjahit pun aku susah hati. All I could is what if..what if..... "what if" yg mmg tkkn jdi.
You know... Aku tk suka org yg aku sayang rasa susah, rasa sakit, rasa sedih. Semua tu buat aku risau. Especially my boyfriend.
Just now we had a little fight...
I was so emotional by shouted him
So kau rasa aku fikir apa? Risau. Risau fikir dia nak jalan jauh gila........ Foodcourt ke Blok 4 tu bukan dekat.. jauh....
Mesti dia sakit. Dgn jari luka lg...
Aku plg sedih and plg bengang waktu dia luka sbb mesin ais tu. Ala mesin buat ais ABC tu..
Dh la dalam perjanjian pttnya dia pantau je booth tu..sekali kena jaga booth. Hanginla aku... lepastu luka lg aku hangin..dengan darah menitiknya..
I kenot. I tend to be so panic bila nampak org aku sayang berdarah..sakit... hmm
But you know.. by doing this.. actually aku mcm marah dkt ketentuan Allah.
Astagfirullah. Allahuakbar. Amanina Uzma.
It just aku nak protect orang aku sayang... tp tkthu la...
My boyfriend wanted to join wataniah..but i dont want... tpi aku tknk bg dia pergi..sbb aku tkut apa2 jdi dkt dia. aku tknk jauh dgn dia. aku nk dia ad dgn aku.
Semua benda aku nk dia buat dgn aku...
selfish kan aku....
tapi aku takut... aku takut aku hilang dia...
aku takut dia sakit...
Oh Allah please protect semua orang yang aku sayang....
Im sorry for not letting you do everything you want....
Im sorry for being too protective...
But I couldnt stop feeling worried about every single thing you do...
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”